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Raising Chrisitian Children

4K views 29 replies 10 participants last post by  George Tsoukalas 
#1 ·
Well we have kicked around alot of stuff but this one has not seemed to pop up. Outside of securing your own personal salvation and that of your spouse i can think of nothing as important. Lets have a dialog I would love to hear from those currently going thru this process and maybe some have already been through the process. I have two children Noah 7yrs old & Abby 4 yrs old. There mother and I strive to make our faith real in our homes. Just have something else to discuss we have recently made the decision to send our children to private christian school in our area.



.........................................................Roby...................................................
 
#2 ·
You shore said a mouthful...

Cueball,

I could not agree more. I have 3. Grafton is 8, Liam is 6, and Ethan is 3. Look forward to sharing some. They're about my favorite subject!

Mike
 
#4 ·
While it is good for parents to strive to instruct their children in the ways of Christ, and to establish a Christly home enviroment, no amount of teaching, sunday school, church attendance, and prayer reciting will secure salvation for our children.

God tells us that EVERYONE is born into a death sentence, and that no one seeks God. However, He also tells us that Through His death on the Cross, He has made it possible for us to recieve new hearts, and these new hearts are the ONLY way possible for us to understand Him, so that we may confess our sins, and call upon Him for mercy.

This is what we as Christian parents need to understand , and pray for. We need to understand that God may very well remove the scales from our childrens eyes, and allow them to see, and be reborn, and that He may also harden their hearts, and veil the truth of the Gospel from them. Everyone born will be judged individually. The sinful acts of a parent no more keep a child from salvation, than the Christly acts of a parent earn a child salvation.

We are but lumps of clay, created by the Potter for His Good Purpose. That is the serenity of Christianity. The sweet comfort of knowing that He will bear our yoke, and guide the destiny of mankind, regardless of our works, or deeds. Let us simply pray that everyone of our children will be saved from death, and let us praise Him if they are, but let us also submit to Gods Sovereign authority, and praise Him if they are not .

Shalom
 
#5 · (Edited)
Effort

Bill, I could not agree with you more in the fact that nothing I do will gain my children salvation. I do however believe that my efforts to create a christian home and my efforts to teach my children the word of God will be beneficial if not helpful in them finding the way. Don't want to turn this thread into a Calvanism thread about pre destination. Suffice to say I believe that God draws us all to him. I also believe that we have lost an entire generation of children due to a nonchalant attitude toward the rearing of our children. I came to Christ at 30 I am now 38 yrs old. I don't blame my failure to come on my parents but now wish many times that my home enviroment would have lended itself to teaching more about my christian faith. At my home your were to be a christian because it was the right thing to do. Rarely if ever did me and my parents have discussion that dug benneth the surface of the christian faith. I love my parents dearly but it is sad that I was 30 yrs old untill I met a person that was willing to discuss christian lifestyle beyond surface. The desire of my heart is to teach my children godly principles and then mirror that in my own life. It is also my desire to teach these two children that Jesus has to be there Savior and that the christian faith has to be there belief system. Not because Mom and Dad believe it but because they understand and believe it. I also want to instill a desire to learn about things of eternal value. It is our fair soul that is at stake and what could possibly be more important to stop and dig into to find the truth.

.........................................Roby............................................

:bow2: :jesus: :bow2:
 
#6 ·
Bill is right when he suggests that children have free will and will ultimately be accountable for their own choices.

There is also no question, and the Bible is very clear, that we as parents bear a grave responsibility for our children. As fathers we can aid or damage their understanding of their heavenly Father. As husbands and wives, we can aid or damage their understanding of God's created order. We can build relationship so that when they need our good counsel we are not estranged. We can and must model GRACE to them, so that they will be better able to understand and accept grace when it is offered them by Christ.

We can create an environment that is condusive to their discovering the person that God meant them to be. We can help them form good habits, and we can pray for them.

Oh, before God there is much that we can and must do. What a pleasant and weighty responsibility!
 
#7 ·
Roby, first off, I hope you have been well..........Anyway, your post actually drives home my point. Just because a person is raised in a Christian household means nothing. What matters is God's timing. While we Christian parents are called to "preach the Word", we do it because we are compelled to. Nowhere in scripture are we told that our preaching will always fall on hearing ears. However, what we do know, is that God's Holy Spirit must first enter a man before he can understand, and accept the Gospel as Truth. It is then that the Gospel we preach, be it to our children, friends, co-workers ect will be heard, and connected to Christ.

I know of a man who was raised in a Godly home, whose family is rooted deep in Christian faith. His father, and brother are pastors, and many of his relations are evangelists going back generations. This man was dedicated to Christ as an infact, submerged in Baptism, attened seminary, and can read, and speak the Bible in Hebrew, and Greek. He is now a professed atheist, who routinely mocks the existance of Christ as Lord.

On the opposite end of the spectrum are people who were raised in depravity, sexual abuse, and fear in God hating homes , yet have emerged as true followers of Jesus Christ. This is the Sovereign power of Christ at work!
I myself was a non believer for 39 years, raised in an abusive home, where belief in Christ was seen as a weakness. It was Gods Good Purpose that I was saved out of death, into eternal life, where I now minister to the very people that used to falsely teach me. For you it is my firm belief that it is God who must first open the eyes of the non believer to the Gospel truth. Even the most Ardent followers of Christ lack the ability to open the eyes of non-believers. Though the "feet who bring the Good News" of Jesus are blessed, there must first be a re-birth in the Holy Spirit, for we are told that the man without the Spirit of Christ is unable to accept the things of Christ, for he is blind to them.

This is a very topical thread, and it's very important to understand our role as Christian parents, and teachers. While we must always teach our Children to live according to OUR Christly principles, while under our care, we must also point out to them that they are not Christians by association, and that it is through Jesus Christ that they become members of the Body, and not by simply being our children.

As for a "lost generation". While it may appear that way, the Bride of Christ is still sound, and those called to it cannot be seperated from it. The Bible tells us that the road is narrow, and that the majority will be lost, so if anything, I see the current situation as Gods Word being revealed daily as the Truth it is.

Shalom
 
#8 · (Edited)
I wish I had more time right now, but I do not.

I read with interest your perspectives. We all fully understand that God gives our child a will of his own, and that all the parenting in the world may not keep him from making bad choices. But the pattern I see in life is that if a child has a sincere Christian parent, who takes the time to disciple his child in an genuine understanding of the Way, that child seems much more inclined to make good or better choices. Maybe God responds to the parent's desire to please Him, I cannot say for sure, but it does seem to be a pattern.

Look at Charles Stanley's son, Andy. Look at Jim Dobson's son. Look at Joel Olestein. It seems that the Godly model lived by the parent, and the effort to disciple the child, had huge impact. The reality seems to be that our best chance to influence our child's thinking and set him up to be open to hear the voice of God, comes when he or she is in our household. It involves teaching, explaining, using situational examples to apply Biblical principles, and as much as anything, it invovles living an honest life in front of your child, with an effort to live without hypocrisy.

I understand that in spite of all the effort in the word, some kids are going to rebel, against their parents, and God. But Proverbs calls them "arrows in our quiver". We send them out into the world. If we send them out into the world without having taken every opportunity to intsill in them the Christian world view, in my thinking, we have missed one of the greatest opportunities God gives us.

As Roby said, our society is full of professing Christians who cannot share their faith, do not live by Biblical principles, and live life pretty much like the unsaved world. Much of this, I believe (not all of it), can be attributed to failure by parents.

Finally, in this thread we have been talking about, or around, the idea of a child getting saved in the family, and what influence the parent may have. But what about those children who God calls at an early age? Is it not the parents responsibility, as a steward of that child on behalf of God, to train him up? We certainly cannot save them, but once they are saved, we have the responsibilty to disciple them.

Just my thoughts. They are worth what you are paying.
 
#9 · (Edited)
Heathen,

I went to a private christian boarding school run by sadists. It was absolutely filled with riff raff!! Just like me at the time. I was raised in a Christian home and my (secular) high school principal once told my father that I was the most rebellious child she had seen in twenty five years of high school administration. :mad:

This is a shameful memory for me personally, but one I hold onto because it reminds me how far I've come, as well as reminding me of the One who made that journey possible.

Christian schools can be a great option, depending on the quality of the school, and the reasons for going there. They are not to blame, ultimately, for our adult decisions. They are also not the "salvation" of our children from all that is wrong in the world! But they CAN provide a good education, occasionally; and they CAN support what a parent is trying to do at home. In other words, they can save the trouble of re-training, at times - but they are no place to put one's head in the sand.

BTW, I totally agree with you about Jesus and his associations. It ain't them well ones that needs a doctor!!

Cueball,

We homeschool our boys. Take it year to year. We do it because we can...We like it, they like it, it leaves us extra time for fun stuff, and gives us more time to help build a solid foundation! (Don't get me wrong - it's a ton of work, and my sweet wife is working on sainthood, in my book, for all that she puts into it :) ). But so far it has been well worth it - for both educational and moral/personal reasons.

Mike
 
#10 ·
As for Christian Schools,

Down here in the South, lots of so called Christian schools came along to avoid integration. And now, they often exist to keep a better "climate" than the public schools. But I think you have to remember that these schools are labeled Christian, but very little emphasis is given in the class room.

In my child's school, they had an hour of Bible each day. Every class placed emphasis on the Christian world view. Every teacher is required to sign a confession of faith each year to renew their contract. We have been very involved with the teachers and staff, and are convinced of their genuine desire to help us raise our child to understand the world through the eyes of the Bible. It may not be perfect, but I strongly prefer it.

As for home schooling, I think it is the ultimate. The home schooled kids I know have done extremely well in all the aptitude testing. Many home schoolers attend a class or two at our Christian school, and have excellent social skills. I think the Christian private school, if it is for real, is an effort to get as much of the benefits of private schooling for those of us that just cannot home school.
 
#11 ·
Association with Rift raft

As far as association with rift raft I think the bible will back me up here even God saw fit to wait till his own child was 30 and well equipped prior to sending him out into the so called rift raft. I think I will take his lead and wait a while with my kids.

.....................................Roby........................................
 
#12 ·
Heathen,

I started to correct you and say, no, Jesus hung out in the temple, arguing theology at the age of twelve!

But then I remembered: That's where the worst of the riff raff hung out - the Pharisees! By the time he was 30 he had left such desperate company as the teachers of the law and was doing lighter work, with mere publicans, tax collectors and miscellaneouos sinners!

I know some like to make missionaries out of ther small children and I personally don't consider it my place to decide whther that be good or no. But I come down a little more where Cueball does on this - I won't begrudge my boys a solid foundation if that be possible. There are many ways of looking at these things.

Each of us has our own paradigm.
 
#13 ·
I've heard this line of though before and I know others feel that way. "They have to face the world sooner or later, so you may as well face it now".

For me, I want to prepare him as well as I possibly can to make good judgements before I allow him in difficult situations. Why take an unprepared and impressionable child and put him in a situation filled with peer pressure, before he is old enough or mature enough to make good decisions? Why not get him as much training and maturity as possible first?

Some of the Public schools are great. In fact, the one in our area is one of the best. If I did not have an option I thought was better, I wouldn't hesitate to send mine there. But since I do have an opportunity to shelter him a little, and get in a few more chances to teach him to think before he leaps, I prefer that option. Lots of good people feel differently. That's just my logic.
 
#14 ·
I have two children, 5 & 2 years old. And this topic constantly runs through my head. I guess it's God speaking. Having them know Jesus is my top priority. I really don't have the sure fire way of making kids do the right thing. They came without instructions for the most part. One thing I do know a Christian enviroment helps. And in my life a mom and grandparents who knew the Lord and kept me in their prayers won that battle for me. I think we just need to love our children, really let them know how much we love them. And let them know Jesus loves them even more. And pray for them. As usual the content of my post doesn't reflect what I'm trying to say. Of all the things I've done in my life this assignment of introducing my children to Jesus is by far the most important and toughest in some respects.
 
#15 ·
Cato, I should point out that I in no way oppose Christian, private , or home education. In fact my children who are adults now were home schooled. I am speaking from a position of salvation, and my point is, is that while Christian education may make a child better understand the law, and societal resposibility, it is the Holy Spirit of Jesus Christ that actually allows them to become members of the Body, and no parent can profess that their child is a Christian until that happens.

The sad fact is, is that many children across America are "coached" Christians. Go in to any main-stream Baptist church for example, and ask the parents if their minor children are Christians, and you will yet a resonding "yes" from almost all of them. This is because most religous people believe that their children are "grandfathered in". I have seen these children be rude, foul-mouthed, disruptive, back sassing, and so forth, while their parents proudly {and incorrectly} proclaim that "little johnny accepted the Lord". Most youth professions are merely done to please parents, or adults.

Again, I will point out that I strongly encourage Christian education for children, for we as parents bring the gospel upon blessed feet, however we as parents need to clearly understand that salvation , the ability of our child to recognize Jesus Christ, rests solely upon HIS Holy Spirits work. It is only then that our teachings will be understood. It also should be pointed out that the child of pagans can also be called into Christ without so much as a prayer prayed, or a Bible verse read to him, prior to the coming of the Spirit.

While the OT tells us of the virtues of a Godly child, and what a blessing they are to us, the OT also makes clear that it is the through the coming of the Lamb that this can be realized, for all the teachings, law, and wisdom of the OT, were Created by God, to lead us to Himself in His New, and Improved Covenant of Grace

Shalom
 
#16 ·
Bill,

We are absolutely on the same page, and I appreciate your perspective. You were correctly pointing out the we cannot save them, force them, and that all the parental discipleship in the world cannot draw them to the Father; He must do that. At least I think that was the focus of your point. And my point was that we must be sure we can look back after the child is gone from the household, and know we presented the Gospel to him in every way we could, or we run the risk of regrets.

On another matter, many are deceived into thinking they have salvation because they walked the ilse one day as a child, and said a prayer. The old "ticket punched" notion. I think I'll start a thread on that one.

I appreciate you and your stand for the Truth. I didn't get any hint you were against all efforts to disciple our kids.
 
#17 ·
Disappointed

Well to be honest this thread is not going where I had hoped it would. I was hoping we could discuss different ideas on what we could do as parents to help our kids. But its ok to hear all the different views. Thanks for the input and God bless you all.

..........................................Roby......................................
 
#19 ·
Bill M,

The Bible clearly states "...some will plant the seed, some will water, but God will grant the increase." I have adult children now and grandchildren who are 6,6 3,3, 1 and one in the oven. I pray for the grandchildren constantly. We as parents and grandparents have a tremendous responsibility to serve as role models, plant seeds, water and pray that God will grant the increase. While I believe it is the family's responsibility to bring up a child, or children, the Christian School can assist and can also do some watering along the way. And by God's mercy and grace the grandchildren will be drawn to Christ by the Holy Spirit, will come to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ through the foolishness of preaching, and will repent of their sins and ask Him into their hearts and lives as personal Saviour.

For those of you who have children in a Christian School or are considering it, let me relate some experiential history with you as food for thought. My wife has taught in our church's Christian School for 25 years. The difference in the attitudes of the parents when she first started and today is night and day. 20-25 years ago the parents understood their responsibilies in helping their little first grader with homework and with the exercising of discipline. Today, they don't have a clue and when their child has grade problems or is a discipline problem, it is the teacher's fault or another student's fault!

Bill
 
#20 ·
Heathen

Well, I had planned not to respond to your last post. But as God would have it my daily bible reading took me right to the subject we have been discussing.
Luke 2 45-49 NASV
When they did not find Him, they returned to Jerusalem looking for Him.

46Then, after three days they found Him in the temple, sitting in the midst of the teachers, both listening to them and asking them questions.

47And all who heard Him (AP)were amazed at His understanding and His answers.

48When they saw Him, they were astonished; and (AQ)His mother said to Him, "Son, why have You treated us this way? Behold, (AR)Your father and I have been anxiously looking for You."

49And He said to them, "Why is it that you were looking for Me? Did you not know that (AS)I had to be in My Father's house?"

Did you see the part where he was sitting amongst teachers listening and asking questions. Sounds like a christian school. So once again I will take God's lead and think that my children might benefit from christian teaching.

Luke 3 23
23(AE)When He began His ministry, Jesus Himself was about thirty years of age, being, as was supposed, the son of (AF)Joseph, the son of Eli,

Heathen you can twist scripture to please your view if you like but it is quite clear that Jesus began his ministry at age 30. Ministry would be going into the world to complete his fathers desire of salvation for mankind. In addition it is very obvious that at age 12 he was being taught and learning in a christian enviroment. The point being that God obviously thought it worthy of his own son to learn from teachers at the age of 12. He also thought that age 30 was a great age to start his appointed ministry.

.......................................Roby..........................................
 
#21 ·
Context keep it in context

Mary & Joseph were Jews. I think if you will read thru my post I refered to what God the father wanted for his son Jesus. I am quite sure if you read my post you will see no reference to what Mary & Joseph want. Now I think it would be safe to say that Jesus being the son of God had special parenting circumstances. What I am refering to and I think you know that is that scripture clearly points to the fact that God thought it best that his son be taught by Godly persons and he also saw fit that his child be sheltered prior to sending him into the ministry. If you would like to argue just for the sake of arguing then I would respectfully ask that you take it somewhere else. You have totally highjacked this thread and turned into something other than it was intented. And since I started the thread I know what my intentions were. They were not to get to arguing with someone, my thoughts were to create an enviroment were christian parents could exchange thoughts on raising our children by Gods standards. What you call lighten things up I have seen as thread highjacking and arguing. I call em as I see em and this thread has basically died on the vine. I respectfully ask that you reconsider your lighten things (arguing) to another thread.

.......................................Roby.........................................
 
#22 ·
Options for children

I thought I would chime in here. I read through the posts and I didn't see anything about having the children attend Sunday school on a regular basis. I also have 2 great kiddos, 3 and 5. They thoroughly enjoy attending Sunday School and tell us the stories they have learned (atleast the 5 year old does). The excitement he has for what he learns could be excitement in another context if he was taught something non-christian. I feel that what environment you expose your kids to, and what they soak up like a sponge, will ultimately affect their outlook on new material presented to them in life.

If all a small child sees is porn, and is raised on porn, then they will be desensatised to it at a early age. Their concepts of love will be tainted. If they are exposed to Sunday Schools, and bible stories, they will be familiar and will recognize the stories as they grow older and their little brains will then incorporate the realness of the the event with the stories they grew up with. How much easier it will be for them to be able to make a life saving decision later in life when the stories and concepts are not foreign to them.

Another area that I did not see mentioned was Christian summer camps. I loved them as a kid. They gave you that mountain top high that is responsible for leading many kids to making a personal decision to accept Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior. This again is by surrounding them with positive, Christian influence and presenting them with biblical FACTS.

I love how you say you model Christ in your marriage and fatherhood. That is truley needed. For without these examples and without Christian love in the home, the above mentioned suggestions would be a struggle. Good luck my brother!
 
#23 ·
I couldn't agree more my 7 year old son and 4 year old daughter love church and the bible stories they study. I enjoy hearing them discuss them. We also try and teach those same stories here at home. Modeling of a christian marriage is huge. The children will see this model and it will impact the way the view there future spouses. Good stuff guys.


...........................................Roby..........................................
 
#24 ·
Roby - I agree with the thread not going the way you were hoping but since it did let me first say....

Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

We parents have an awesome responsibility. I agree that we cannot "save" our children. They have to make the choice for themselves. BUT IT IS OUR GOD GIVEN RESPONSIBILITY to teach by word and by deed the Word of God.

My kids are all adults now and praise the Lord, all are living for Him. There were times, however, when I totally had to rely on God's promise in Proverbs 22:6. I prayed it many times.

Every child is different. My daughter - a stern look...my disappointment...was devastating to her. She probably never got more then 1/2 dozen spankings her whole life. My sons on the other hand....probably got that many in a day on occasion.

Parents try to do all the right things...they read all the books on child rearing. Spank - dont spank. time out. date - court. on & on & on... for me it boils down to your realtionship with Christ. By that I mean..

Honesty - be truthful with your kids. Live an honest life in front of them. Let them see your faults. When you are wrong or make a mistake, tell them so and apologize. Let them see the LOVE and the FORGIVENESS between their mom & dad.

Be an EXAMPLE - Just as Christ is our example. We need to be that example for our children.

Be a LISTENER - Our Heavenly Father listens to us....I mean really listen.

PRAYER - Pray for them and equally as important pray with them!

COMMUNICATE - Spend time talking with your kids. Let them know they are important to you & what they say is important. If they tell you something in confidence...DONT break it.

TRUST - You want to trust them to do the right thing....but be sure that they can trust you as well. Don't make promises you have no intention of keeping.

Those are the things I can think of right off the top of my head.

I was one of 7 kids & we were the preacher's kids so we had plenty of people wanting to make sure the preacher's kids towed the line. All of my siblings are serving the Lord in some capacity to this day....not to say there hasn't been some faltering at times along the way. My parents, while not perfect, loved the Lord first and lived the life in front of us. Success for my dad was not measured financially...success was the Godly heritage he instilled in his children & is continuing to instill in 23 grandchildren & 21 great-grandchildren.

Two things that really stand out to me....(not that we had to dress a certain way (tho that was good), not that we weren't allowed to go to movies or date until we were 16)...what really stands out is...Every time we left on a date or with a group of kids my mother would say "Remember who your father is". Yes, she meant we were the preacher's kid & what we did or didn't do reflected back on his ministry, BUT more importantly she meant..remember your heavenly father is with you & don't disappoint HIM. I will soon be 52 & all of us kids have talked about how that simple sentence impacted us even now. The other thing is that Dad ALWAYS waited up. He might be in bed, but he NEVER went to sleep until everyone was safely home. & we never snuck into the house...we came in, went to his room....sometimes hoping to find him asleep...but he never ever was. It was comforting to know he cared that much. Both of these things I used with my children. TIme will tell if they appreciate it as much as I did.

I spent many a sleepless night, quite often praying myself to sleep for my middle child, Joel. Joel had a real problem with anger, which, I believe, really stemmed from fears. I believe scripture is very clear, it something is not of God, it is of the evil one. Anger comes from satan. Fear comes from satan. It was a long process. We do real well for a while. then DOUBT attacks...doubt is from satan. Things have really come together for Joel in the last 2 years. I had to come to the place...and trust me, it was the hardest thing I have every prayed....Lord what ever it takes, bring my boy an understanding of You! Joel was a believer. He had prayed as a very little boy & then about 5 years ago it was very obvious the Holy Spirit was really working on him, as was satan. and one morning he could not even drive home from work (1 mile) he had to pull off the road & do business with God. But satan still would attack with the fears & the worthlessness. He moved out & while I never thought he would make it on his own...it was the best thing he ever did. He had to become independent of mom taking care of everything. He grew up. Just a year ago a series of events took place in the lives of some friends that cause Joel to really seek for himself answers from God through getting into His word. We could see God really working. He lost his roommate & decided to move home & try to save money to buy a house. A close friend turned his back on God....some friends said Dave couldn't still be a christian...or he had never been saved. It really got Joel to digging into scripture on his own...not willing to just have mom & dad tell him what scripture said. THEN...Dave killed himself. He couldn't take the pressure anymore...but his bible contained several pages of notes he had take...scripture passages that meant something to him. How do I tell grieving parents that the death of their precious son gave new meaning to my son's life. He has faithfully attended and "all guy" Bible study since then. Wow, what a difference God has made in his life. What a joy it is to have spiritual discussions with him now... I am so thankful I claimed His promise and God has once again proved Himself faithful to me.

Joel will soon be 25, but please know, that if he was still struggling...I would still be claiming Proverbs 22:6....even until my last breath.
 
#25 ·
CC, I want to tell you how very much it means to me, and others as well I am sure, that you took the time to add to this thread. You are a blessing to us all. Please promise me you will continue to come out here and share with us.

We can each learn from the struggles and experiences of others. I am grateful that you are willing to share yours.

My boy is 19, going on 20. He is very well grounded, and can share and explain and defend his faith. But he is in college, and tempted in so many ways to divide his loyalty. He does listen to me, thankfully, but it doesn't always affect his choices. I am praying for him constantly. Your thread encourages me.

In Christ
Mitchell (Cato)
 
#26 ·
Thanks CC

Always good to hear from you CC. I enjoy your posting and it is obivious why after reading your post. You have a wealth of knowledge to share to the people you come in contact with.

.,......................................Roby.....................................
 
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